An online dating website is the real world. I think that is the difference. But I dont think that means that they shouldnt do it. her safety and comfort was maintained by having someone she knew and was familiar with approach her discretely. This is extra worse when youre a captive audience who cant get away from them at work, and its why a lot of us would recommend not asking at all or proceeding with extreme caution. What should I follow, if two altimeters show different altitudes? Get to know her (over a few visits to the grocery store) and in the process find somethings she's into. And I just want to get my paycheck and go home. Usually I prefer directness but this might get awkward if you go there often plus retail employees get hit on a lot. Responding to that with flip remarks about how will the species survive or how its always been this way or how people who object really need to deal, frankly, comes across as wildly and deliberately obtuse which, again, is very out of character for you. An intelligent woman shouldnt have a problem meeting a prescreened stranger in a public place without having to take friends a family on the date. How To Ask Out The Cashier? | Relationship Talk Is there a generic term for these trajectories? Where I grew up (the UK) it is completely normal, typical and acceptable to engage in conversation with shopkeepers. The amount was wrong. I realized Im just one data point, but I am actually friends with many people who Ive met through work. We talk every day and meet a few times a week. The waitress could have said oh, hes off the market or he gets number all the time and is sick of it or something like that so it would avoid the embarrassing interaction if there wasnt a chance for a positive outcome. Since the store is just 5 min away from my place I visit regularly and don't want to leave a bad impression there. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. They are paid to be nice and helpful and to show up where youre shopping if they think you might need help. We always flirted, he always asked me about what was going on in my life, on and on. ask out Not eHarmony, they discriminate against gays and lesbians. There would seem to be a paradox, in that lowering the cost of rejection for her increases your chances of success, but there really isn't a paradox. Enough folks in customer-service positions have testified on that thread that they get unwanted solicitations so often that even if you are the nice person who means really well, you might still be a REALLY annoying straw on that camels back. Flirting doesnt bother me as long as the conversation doesnt get gross or rude. When I worked in retail, I probably would have been flattered if someone hit on me but I was a teen boy. It's long enough to exchange more than a couple of sentences and gauge interest. I couldnt agree more. I believe we're all mature enough to understand the fact that people react differently to you based on how they feel about you. Later, on hearing about it, my nasty coworker who was a demoted ex-manager told me that I shouldnt have been rude to a customer. So I can definitely imagine a manager who would expect someone in a customer service position to say yes to keep the customer. Hopefully she will respond. I just checked it for my area, and, sure enough I delivered your pizza last night; you were in a swimsuit. Express low-key interest in seeing the person outside of work, give your card/number, and make it clear through your words and actions that you can happily take no for an answer. I dealt with this just as much in a secretarial position as I did in retail. Id also like to point out that for all of your talk about women having agency and being liberated, that youre not actually listening to all of the women who have posted here saying that they do not enjoy being hit on/creeped on/asked out by customers at their place of work and that they just want to do their job without feeling like a Playboy bunny. Offer to leave your number or contact details so that they can reach out if interested. The OP only seemed receptive to posts encouraging her to do it though. That is a concern I had thought of. A lot of managers will take the word of the customer over their employee, so it is not out the realm of possibility to be written up for that complaint. Resin is a vital resource for Conan Exiles players wanting to expand their base and create unlocks. Or you could be lucky and run into her on a bus or somewhere else out of context. And of course, a lot of people would prefer not to field come-ons while theyre working. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! You can deduce from both verbal and nonverbal cues what her feelings towards you are, whether she's friendly because of her professionalism or because she actually wants to be your friend. Hardly altruism; that works in mens' favor too. But this isnt two people meeting in public. Its public for the customer but a workplace for the employee. So I definitely dont think its fair to allege that Im not empathetic here Im reflecting on my own feelings as well as those Ive heard from others of both genders, or as you say, putting myself in their shoes.. do I need to wear nylons to a job interview or are bare legs OK? Asking for help, clarification, or responding to other answers. He told me that he had a girlfriend but they were on the rocks currently. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I know you get tips at chipotle, but thats a bonus thats split by everyone in the restaurant, not the source of your income. Too bad The IT Crowd is off the air, I could totally see them doing a show like this one. They would try to dazzle me with charm, I would kindly redirect them to dazzle me with good work. I have no doubt that there are some rare instances where this has worked out and the couple is now happily married with three kids and a dog and a white picket fence. Shed been going to the coffee shop for several months, and he was really friendly every time they talked, complimenting her on safe topics like her manicure, etc. Give her an easy way out. When asking out a cashier, it is important to always put yourself in their shoes and be respectful of their feelings. That doesnt mean that I feel the same way having crude comments shouted at me on the street. I declined. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. -he remembered her each time, knew and remembered details about her (where she worked, what her schedule was like, her name), etc. And then poof you have a friend, and can still visit the business. ), then drop it, and to me, its no big deal. And don't stand somewhere waiting for her to take her smoke break, only do this if you naturally happen to pass by her having one. My main concern was that I didnt want to put this person in an uncomfortable position or jeopardize his job, and what youve recommended sounds like it would work so thanks very much for the advice :), Oops, that was supposed to be a response to and we danced from the ocean. My dear Internet god, those posters on Craigslist are pathetic. Which then bums me out further. He didnt, but then I saw him one night at a club and I approached him and the rest is history! I have read most of the answers, but none has found themselves in your situation. My base presumption is the OP is generally comfortably asking a person out. Fair chance you'll get a "Oh, I'll put it up for you" or "We don't have one, but I'll put it in the staff break room". Only ask the gent out during his break or free time. Try to engage her when you see her, but just minimally. I wanted to ask her out or leave a note but last couple times I get super nervous when I'm about to do it. would be totally normal and appropriate. In this case, it's simple: you get rejected. I guess you will soon find out if she answers e.g. He came and then asked me on a date afterward. Its hella awkward for them and unlikely that the connection youre feeling is real. Gender pay gap remained stable over past 20 years in US | Pew It would be fun to run into you there. Correct. If he calls, you know what to do. I (female, red-haired) worked in video game retail for a while. Asking is out is just Let me know if youd like to grab coffee sometime. And yes getting asked out does often make me feel uncomfortable if Im not interested. Id love a womans advice on how to go about this, because I want to do it the right way for both parties involved. Im not saying you should absolutely never do it, but if you do, make sure its very clear that no is a completely acceptable answer and that the persons manager and coworkers will never know about it if the person declines. OP think twice, thrice, four times before you do this. It has majorly given way to the You brought me my omelet and now were SOULMATES crowd, orat least in my citypeople not-so-discreetly trying to find prostitutes they used to, uh, frequent (that came out awful, but I dont know how else to put it). For example: "I like to grab lunch here before going to [Public Event You Enjoy]". but its great that you remained friendly. Ugh. It gets so old! Youve got the people who say the waiter seemed friendly, so I gave him my number, and weve been married 30 years now. Love the cheese fries line. *shrug* again, Im sure there are some people who are great at movie and party first dates. it's happened to me before, and the guy ended up being my bf for 2 yrs awww.. that was surely sweet. If she's completely unresponsive stop immediately. (gives performance flyer). Mention some public event coming up in the upcoming week that you are planning to attend, such as a concert, puppet show, debate, whatever. Therefore, don't ask her when her shift ends, or to meet in the rapey spot at the back of the parking lot, after her shift, when it's all dark and gloomy. Just be polite. Toastmasters chapter. ..what country do you live in? After you have built a basic connection with her, you can leave a brief note (with a smiley probably) as others have suggested. Oh, sure. A Woman, traveling alone!!! Note that I am not recommending you ask her out, just suggesting a way of making it easier for her to say no without either of you losing face. Lets give them the benefit of the doubt here. That, of course, is why lots of managers would rather customers notask out their employees its a good way to lose customers who then feel too awkward to return. Aaron/Erins unite! Then later on phone jobs I got asked out every once in a while and used the same excuse. I mean, she's a cute cashier, she probably gets hit on on the regular. We were having a polite conversation about video games, he left the store, and then came back from his car to give me his number in case we wanted to continue the conversation. I was also wary for the same reasons you are. Im not saying these were nice guys who decided not to tip if you didnt take the bait, but I couldnt choose who sat in my section I just had to hope they were going to tip me. First, make sure that you are respectful and courteous when asking for For instance whether she looks at you in the eyes while answering, if her answers are short, if she asks you something as well, etc. and after a few encounters we started really talking if there was no other customers around. Youre visualizing a very specific scenario, where youre being asked out in a very nonthreatening way, presumably by having a woman express interest in you, which doesnt happen so much in a culture that discourages women from doing this. But, you know, its such a personal thing, asking someone out. I mean the problem is that it happens way more often than you think. To make things fun between both of you, suggest interesting date spots or events that neither of you may have experienced before such as an outdoor picnic or exploring an undiscovered corner of your city! She said she knew me already and found it a little odd, but we always have a lot of eye contact and banter. Learning how to read the defense, Al Haitham Genshin is 8 years old. I cant throw enough yesses at this reply, fposte. To restart a mission in Red Dead Redemption 2, you must first locate. Apologies on behalf of the male half of the human race. should I wear my wedding ring to an interview, client demands unlimited time, and more. He seemed interested until I got a text from him later saying he couldnt make it. He maintained professionalism through the drill, however, and never so much as asked her name during the drill. I'll just assume you're somewhat smart as to not be caught doing this and that you've already made your mind up. As a woman, Im also flattered when Im politely asked out, even though I do not accept the invitations (Im married). If you decide to ignore this advice and try to ask them out, you need to understand that it's highly likely that they aren't into you. 4 Remember customers' preferences. Don't offer compliments, rather, try to just be friendly. should I take my Etsy business off my resume? Personally I think the heres my number if you would like to talk when you are not at work approach sounds okay, although I totally understand the problem here. Working retail, this happens so, so frequently that it stops being flattering and becomes another work annoyance that you have to deal with, plus the unease of not knowing how someone is going to react if you reject them. But my biggest problem is I'm pretty shy with people I don't know and I'm really worried about being "that guy". I went to the same drive-thru for YEARS and had a crush on the guy who worked there. The "honey" and "dear' is a southern thing. Certainly, it can be that way, but to me, Id take being asked out as a form of flattery, even if I wasnt interested. By entering this site you declare When people tell you over and over again that this behavior is not flattering or OK, replying with Yeah, but *I* wouldnt feel that way is about the opposite of empathy. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. To help us answer, can you edit to give some more detail on the "signs she gave you" which seem promising? You know, the douche who asks every cute girl out and thinks he's hot shit. So I met this girl about two weeks ago. (disclaimer, Ive never worked any customer-facing position, so maybe Im way off). My husband has recently asked me about a mfm *****. Anyway, it doesn't have to be a rock band, it could be a sporting match, play, whatever - just as long as it's a small enough venue (Taylor Swift concert is much too large) and the entry cost isn't too high. He was 20 and I was 32. Acknowledge their feelings and thank them for being honest with you. There joined a new cashier in my local food product market. I object to singling out women. I will put a quick disclaimer/bias I am female, and I think women overall have to deal with this more than men, so its probably why its more annoying in my mind. Thanks Aaron, Im the OP and appreciate your male perspective on this! Either she's attracted to you, and you create the circumstances where things will happen, or she is not attracted, and you move on. Honestly, Id rather be hit on in a low-key non-awkward manner than asked out in an intense, awkward way. Do you have personal experience where you successfully use this technic? But its not an ideal world and sexual entitlement doesnt always come in obvious, high pressure, sexually explicit packages. They get stared at & aggressively flirted with on a regular basis. Shes always at the checkout and never doing stuff like sorting products or cleaning the floor where I could actually ask her out. A lot of people get off on exploiting the power imbalance between customer and customer service rep. I agree that asking someone out can be different than hitting on someone, but for me as a woman in a publicly funded service role (library type work) Im pretty sick of being seen as on display and treated as a piece of meat at a buffet that people can ponder, look at, ask questions too, and ask out. If he say, Oh, rats! Its like when people say that women who are catcalled should feel flattered and that theyd personally feel soooo flattered if they had strangers harassing them on the street. Haha I like that! Even if she's busy on Thursday, or does not share your interest in this type of event it's a first step. It would probably be best to not think about it any longer. She was probably scared shitless. I put up with flirting from customers at my job all the time because Im in a position where Im being paid to be nice and dont feel like I can shut it down like I would outside of work. These guys write Odes of Undying Love and Devotion to the people who make their coffee every morning, and generally feel like its reciprocated because they smile at me every time I come in. I see what youre getting at, but my experience in retail and food service was that everybody doing the latter still thinks theyre doing the former.. Describe the importance of honesty and integrity, especially when dealing with cash and cards. Until you have a stronger feeling. Although again, sadly, he still might have a GF. Could, please, the downvoters explain why they do so ?

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